smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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