i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
