I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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