All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
