I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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