NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
