i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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