I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
