i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
