her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
