He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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