I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
