WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
