The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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