the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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