We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
