Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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