The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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