one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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