By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
