He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
