i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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