playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
