I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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