Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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