youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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