when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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