I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
