Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
