I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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