Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
