i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
