My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just pee around me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
