walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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