Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is my gift to your gina
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
