My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
