My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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