I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
