He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They took my balls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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