Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish I only lived at night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
