I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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