This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
