Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
