At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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