omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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