There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
