If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize