No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
