i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
