If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
