I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
