I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
