bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize