I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
