I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
