I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
