Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
