Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
