Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
