I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
