I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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