i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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