I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
