barbara walters just said penis...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
