did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
