You're so nebulous sometimes
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
