I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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