I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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