I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
