My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is Oprah even human
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
