Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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