Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm having to shit out rocks
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
