Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My balls are so social today.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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