why didn't you poke me back
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
