I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
