i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
