You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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