His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
