I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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