1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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