20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
